SUGAR LAND, TX — An hour into The Two Towers, local woman Janice Reyna began wondering if there was any possible way to switch off the incessant "husband commentary".

"After months of him begging me to watch The Lord of The Rings, can't I just watch the Lord of The Rings?" wonder Reyna. "How many times am I going to hear about this Aragorn guy breaking his foot when he kicks a helmet??"

According to sources, the commentary began shortly after the movie began, with Kevin Reyna explaining to his wife how Gimli's comedic lines are almost entirely absent from the books. "One of Peter Jackson's few missteps, I might add," said Kevin. "Now pay close attention to Gimli's voice. You're going to hear it again in another character with a serious beard. Tee-hee!"

Though she perused the TV menu and tried several tactics, Janice found no possible way to turn off the husband commentary. "I even fed him nachos. He just kept going between crunches," said Janice. "I learned when the elf broke his ribs, when the director made a cameo, every line altered from the book, just so, so many things. So many things."

At publishing time, Kevin had paused the movie for a brief dissertation on which towers were the eponymous towers of The Two Towers.

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