TOLEDO, OH — Local wife Cindy Houston admitted she was totally unaware her husband was locked in a virtuous battle for the soul of America on Facebook when she made plans for the family this weekend.
"I had no idea Clark was doing such important work this weekend when I scheduled that family outing," Cindy commented. "He's got so many people he needs to respond to on so many comments on that Facebook post he made. I guess it's super important work… more important than spending time with the family, apparently."
Clark Houston spent the majority of Friday afternoon on his phone, refreshing his feed, waiting for responses to his latest posts. He energetically crafted long, valiant responses to all detractors and used all his mental faculties to research statistics to back up his points as his wife scheduled the family for a weekend of quality time.
"She doesn't get it... the fate of the nation is on my shoulders here!" Clark said when told about the weekend's itinerary. "I'll be here fighting for the American way of life. It's up to me."
At publishing time, Clark Houston was last seen admonishing his teenage son to get off his phone and spend more time with the family.
Tony asks questions about everything in his life. Is he a crazy conspiracy theorist?
