KNOXVILLE, TN — Local wife Chelsea Hammond has just proposed a brand new 4,155-page Target funding bill to her husband but is only giving him 2 days to read through it all. Chelsea claims that if the omnibus spending package is not passed in its entirety, then their household will have to shut down and will be unable to buy necessities such as groceries and cute fuzzy socks with candy canes on them.

"How am I supposed to read through all of this in just 2 days?" said concerned husband Kurt Hammond. "And don't get me wrong, honey, of course, I want us to be able to buy food, but do we really need to fund everything else in here?"

According to sources, Kurt pointed out that there are substantial amounts of pork and excess spending within the proposed Target funding bill. "Ok $400 on the basics this month sounds good, but why are we spending $47 billion in the home decor section and another $32 billion to fund 'Chelsea's Winter Wardrobe'?" asked Kurt. "And how could you even possibly spend that much in a month anyway?!"

At publishing time, just before the bill was pushed through their son Johhny amended the bill to include another vital $84 billion to fully fund this month's Lego spending.

World, meet Travis. Travis, meet the world. In this first episode of our new show Travis Interviews the World, we interview some guy named Jordan Peterson.