U.S. — According to sources, wives across the nation have begun their yearly autumn ritual in which they carefully select pots of autumn-colored mums they wish to take home and immediately kill.

"Fall is here! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" said a spokeswife for the American Wives Union in an official statement. "Soon our front porches will be decked out with pots of red, yellow, and orange-colored mums we bought at the grocery store, which will live 12 hours and immediately wither and die before our very eyes, forcing us to go back to the store to buy more, again and again, until Christmas! I just LOVE fall!"

Several thousand husbands groaned and rolled their eyes at the statement, but confirmed their hands were completely tied as their wives were "just so stinkin' cute."

"I've had to take out a second mortgage on the house to pay for all this, but look at my wife squealing and spinning in circles with her fall decor! It's so adorable it's almost criminal," said one local husband. "I can't say 'no' to that."

At publishing time, husband scientists are desperately working on technology that would make mums immortal so they can finally save some money.

When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.