BOISE, ID — With spring in full swing, one local woman expressed excitement at the chance to finally get back outside and be horrible at gardening again.
Throughout the long winter months, Lisa Harper had grown impatient that she was unable to go outside, get her hands in the dirt, and exercise her God-given talent of being really, really bad at anything that involves growing and nurturing plants.
"It's just a gift I have that I'm always excited to use," Harper said as she prepared her list of which flowers, fruits, and vegetables she would fail miserably to grow this year. "What will it be this year? There are tomatoes, as usual. Some carrots and cucumbers. Maybe some potatoes and onions this time around. Oh, and it's been a few years since I totally botched some strawberries. I should do that again this year."
Lisa's husband, Jeff, confirmed that she excels at being horrible at gardening. "Yes, it's been proven time and time again," he said. "When it comes to nursing all plant life to a slow, agonizing death, she's a natural. I can't wait to see what she kills this year."
After convincing Jeff to build her a set of raised beds in the back yard, Harper said she was all set to get out there this weekend for another rich and fulfilling season of being horrible at gardening. "What can I say? I just really enjoy it," she said.
At publishing time, the flowers Harper had brought home from the landscaping store this morning to transplant into her flower beds had already died.
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