WASHINGTON, D.C. - The White House has set aside a special seat for "honored guest" Peter Doocy of Fox News, Jen Psaki confirmed Monday.
Doocy was concerned, however, when he realized the "seat of honor" was positioned directly under a precariously dangling piano.
"Um, Press Secretary Psaki, do you think I could get a different seat?" Doocy asked, looking up worriedly. "I'm pretty sure there is a massive grand piano directly above me."
A smiling Psaki assured him there was no piano and that he was "perfectly safe." "We'll circle back to your question," she said while making a "cutting" motion with her fingers to some aides in the rafters. "Geez, these Fox News reporters, am I right?"
Everyone in the room chuckled, except Peter Doocy, who shouted, "Help! Help! I'm about to be crushed by a baby grand!" This only made the other reporters laugh harder at the "deranged conspiracy theorist" and well-known troublemaker.
Finally, the piano fell. Doocy dove out of the way and barely made it out alive. "Curses!" shouted Jen Psaki. "You were supposed to be flat!"
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
