WASHINGTON, DC — Amid a House impeachment inquiry and increasing questions about bribery and extortion involving Hunter Biden, the White House reminded the press that there's not any direct evidence that Hunter Biden actually exists.
"When you think about it, there's not really any conclusive proof that this 'Hunter' guy is even real," said historic, gay, black Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre to reporters. "Have any of you even seen him in person? Have you actually physically touched him? For all we know, Hunter is just a figment of the GOP's wild and fevered imaginations. It's sad, really."
The gathered journalists murmured and nodded in agreement at Jean-Pierre's excellent point.
"It's a shame we didn't start questioning the notion of this 'Hunter Biden' fiction a long time ago," said Meet The Press anchor Chuck Todd. "How could we have been so blind to the deep deception of the far-right? The whole thing was a hoax! This is an attack on democracy."
Journalists have begun to pull all their Hunter Biden stories pending further investigation into the matter. "Once we have investigated the GOP's deception around the existence of this alleged 'Hunter' character, we will update you on that story," said Jake Tapper. "Stay tuned for an update in 5 or 6 years."
At publishing time, new allegations related to Joe Biden's involvement in the corruption surfaced, leading the White House to denounce the existence of Joe Biden as a right-wing conspiracy theory.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
