WASHINGTON, D.C. — The White House issued this morning an unequivocal condemnation of the horrific terrorist attacks in Israel that were funded by President Biden.

"The Biden Administration denounces the terrible atrocities being committed with the six billion dollars President Biden gave Hamas" said Secretary of State Anthony Blinken. "We are deeply saddened by the deaths caused by every missile purchased with money from the Biden administration."

As sickening videos emerged of terrorists carrying out executions of women and children, Hamas issued a statement thanking President Biden for sponsoring their invasion. "We could never have killed, raped and tortured all these innocent people without the help of Joe Biden," said Hamas leader Mohammed Deif. "Just one month ago, Biden funneled six billion dollars to us through Iran -- and now look where we are today. Thanks, Joe."

At publishing time, members of the Squad were seen gathered in their Hamas soccer jerseys with bags of popcorn.

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