WASHINGTON, DC — In the wake of White House statements that labeled coverage of Biden's completely normal and unconcerning 49-second pauses as "maliciously edited deepfakes," official US government sources have confirmed that the seemingly terrible US economy is in fact just another devious deepfake.
According to sources in the White House, the rampant inflation, increasingly unsustainable load of debt, and out-of-control government spending are merely a cleverly crafted far-right conspiracy-theory deepfake that has been invented to cast doubt and aspersions on President Biden's excellent, highly commendable, and competent leadership of the country.
"Rest assured, Americans — those sky-high gas prices and unaffordable groceries are nothing but a well-done deepfake. I'm surprised you all got fooled so easily," chuckled White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre, patronizingly patting a reporter from the New York Post on the head. "In reality, the economy is just fine and the president is absolutely, 100% capable of fulfilling his duties. Hahaha, imagine believing that left-wing policies could lead to anything but a stellar economy! Deepfakes, deepfakes, nothing but CGI and AI!"
When asked for comment, President Biden initially appeared to stare blankly at the nearest wall for several minutes without moving before starting to chew on a nearby pencil, but this was later revealed to be "another one of those darn deepfakes" by a White House staffer who confirmed that the President had actually given an eloquent and reassuring answer.
At publishing time, the White House had issued a warning that the live-streamed upcoming CNN debate might be seriously marred by deepfakes, depending on how quickly Biden answers questions from the teleprompter.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
