WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the 2024 presidential race makes its turn into the final stretch, the White House assured journalists that they would only have to pretend Kamala Harris is likable for a couple more months.
Members of the media, weary from the exhausting duty of portraying Harris as capable, experienced, qualified, and decent, were relieved to find out that they would only have to maintain the ruse until election day.
"Don't worry, you don't have to do this forever," one White House insider told reporters. "We just have to make people think she's a bright, likable person until they cast their votes… or until we cast their votes for them, am I right? But for real though, once the election is over, you can stop trying so hard."
Journalists were glad to learn that their herculean efforts would not be an ongoing requirement. "It's a big relief," one reporter said. "Making her seem like a person anyone would want to be around is a tall order. We leave work drenched in sweat every night from the strain of propping her up as a likable human being. I don't think we could keep it up beyond November even if we had to. Thankfully, we can stop doing it after the election and just go back to hiding her flaws like we normally do for every Democrat."
At publishing time, the White House had informed journalists that they should start preparing now for the difficult job of portraying Harris as being a successful president if she wins this year and runs again in 2028.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
