White House Asks Judge If There's Anything The President Is Actually Allowed To Do

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an attempt to clear up lingering confusion over the role of the nation's chief executive and avoid ongoing injunctions to block executive actions, the White House asked a federal judge if there's anything the president is actually allowed to do.

After being repeatedly stymied on nearly every attempted action, the Trump administration sought clarification to find out what, exactly, the president of the United States is allowed to do, if anything.

"So, like, can the president do anything? Or no?" asked lead White House counsel David Warrington in a brief submitted to a federal judge. "We were totally under the impression that the president is, like, really important and has a lot of power, but if that's not the case, it would be helpful to know. Are there actually things the president can do, or is the presidency more like just a powerless ceremonial title, like the King of England or the Governor of North Dakota?"

When asked for comment, White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt echoed the curiosity about the president's role in the government. "It would be great to find out," she said. "I thought the president was in charge of the executive branch and could make decisions, but maybe not. We've learned he's obviously not as powerful as a federal judge or something like that. Getting some clarity on whether or not he can actually do anything could make the next four years easier."

At publishing time, a federal judge issued a ruling declaring it illegal for the White House to even ask what the president was allowed to do.