What good is an amendment saying we have the right to bear arms if I can't go house to house firing buckshot into every inflatable Christmas minion I see?
Look, I don't have to spend my evenings driving around the neighborhood in my 2003 Silverado, shooting high-powered ammunition into inflatable Grinches. I do it as a service to my community. I'm just an everyday, red-blooded American, trying to do his part to rid the world of these abominations. Putting up inflatables to decorate for Christmas is like celebrating your anniversary by kissing your sister. It's gross, and it doesn't even make sense. Plus, what in tarnation does a little yellow alien called a "minion" have to do with the birth of our Savior? I am well within my moral and legal rights to unload an entire clip into this inflatable circus trying to ruin Christmas. If we can't go out and at least try save the holidays with a .30-06, are we even in America?
The Constitution was supposed to stop government overreach into the lives of private citizens like me. Well, someone tell that to Officer Billy Bob here, who says he's gonna have to arrest me if I blow away any more inflatable Rudolphs with my Ruger.
What happened to this so-called "Second Amendment" that meant no one could abridge my right to have and use guns? My rights don't stop where your unholy inflatable Christmas dinosaur starts. That amendment isn't worth the paper it's written on if out here in the real world, I can't put bullet holes through a few of those ugly inflatable Santa Clauses.
It's time for all of us to get off our keisters, get our guns, and get to shooting inflatables. We might just save Christmas and America at the same time.
Heartwarming!
