KNOXVILLE, TN — Minutes after the Stephenson family had returned from a weeklong beach vacation filled with swimming, lounging, eating, and playing, Max, the youngest in the family, told his parents, "We never do anything fun," sources say.
Rather than toss her son across three counties, Max's mom patiently smiled and asked Max to continue helping them unpack the thoroughly-used boogie boards, sand toys, balls, and towels from the back of the minivan.
"Why do we always have to do chores?" asked Max after a full week of doing nothing remotely associated with a chore other than washing sand out of his sun-bleached mop of hair. "Billy down the street says his family never has chores and also they're in Hawaii. Lucky."
"Well we're not Billy's family," said Max's dad while calculating the months of planning and high credit card balance that resulted from the sunny vacation that ended less than five minutes ago.
At publishing time Max's mom had just finished toiling over a hot meal of roast beef and potatoes with fresh watermelon when Max ran in asking to eat at Jeffy's because they were having bologna sandwiches.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
