U.S. — Public transportation in the nation's most populous city appeared to be on the brink of a new era of safety and security, as the nation's violent psychos protested Daniel Penny's acquittal by refusing to ride the New York City subway.
A spokesman for Violent Psychos of America, the nation's largest organized group of deranged criminals, issued a statement condemning Penny's acquittal and announcing the organization's plan to boycott the New York City subway system in protest.
"This jury's verdict will have serious consequences," said violent psycho Tommy Jacobs. "We won't stand idly by while our rights to perpetrate vicious, unprovoked assaults against unsuspecting citizens are violated in such a flagrant way. Starting today, none of us will set foot on a New York subway train as long as Daniel Penny roams free. We have to draw the line somewhere."
Other violent psychos spoke up in solidarity with the boycott. "It's time for us to make our voices heard," said fellow violent psycho Craig Yarborough. "If they insist on letting Daniel Penny off the hook, then the city won't be receiving any subway revenue from us. Let's see how they feel about their decision once we stop taking the subway anywhere. We refuse to be mistreated and suffer such injustice. Take that, New York."
At publishing time, the nation's violent psychos followed up the boycott announcement by threatening to never assault or murder any more people until Daniel Penny was brought to justice.
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