WASHINGTON D.C.—The Food and Drug Administration has asked for all Johnson & Johnson COVID-19 vaccines to be recalled and destroyed after two different people who took the vaccine died, both having fallen down open manholes within a week of taking the drug.
“We just want to have an overabundance of caution here,” explained Doctor Anthony Fauci. “That’s why all Johnson & Johnson vaccines are being destroyed, and anyone who has already taken the vaccine is being placed under house arrest to keep them away from streets with manholes.”
Fauci said they’re also considering a pause on the Pfizer and Moderna vaccines as a few people who have taken those have slipped on banana peels.
Some are criticizing the recall of the Johnson & Johnson vaccine since nearly seven million people have taken it and only two have fallen down a manhole, making the risk seem minuscule -- especially compared to the death rate of COVID-19. Also, not everyone is sure those deaths are related to the vaccine and believe they may in fact be caused by the carelessness of construction workers.
Dr. Fauci has dismissed these criticisms. “Everyone wants things to make sense, but I think we’ve made it clear that’s not how we approach things,” said Fauci. “And who is in a big rush to end this pandemic, anyway? We all like wearing masks and staying home. We especially like seeing me on TV all the time. Or at least I know I do.”