MILAN, ITALY — Following their victory over Canada, the US Olympic Hockey Team has continued celebrating by melting down their gold medals to replace all their missing teeth.
According to various members of the team, over 3 dozen teeth were lost during USA's inspiring win over Canada.
"What better use for all this gold?" said Team USA's Jack Hughes, struggling to pronounce all the words through his chipped teeth. "Replacement teeth ain't cheap! Good thing we have all these medals! U Eth A! U Eth A! U Eth A!"
When asked for comment, Canadian players claimed that Team USA was acting a little tacky.
"We were roundly beating the US for most of the game anyway, you betcha," said Canadian Nathan MacKinnon. "Sorry, eh? Second place is pretty good, too. And at least we don't have to pay for dental bills. So who's the real winner, right? Eh. Whatever."
At publishing time, Trump had invited the USA's team to meet RFK at the White House to see if he could do something about all the concussions.
Protect yourself from the modern day gestapo!
