WINDSOR - ICE agents are overwhelmed as thousands of desperate refugees from Canada have flooded the U.S. northern border to claim asylum. The crowd, now numbering in the tens of thousands, is attempting to escape fierce political oppression by Fidel Castro's tyrant son in Ottawa.
"Hey, come on there buddy, just let us in, eh?" said asylum-seeker Tim Pokadoke. "So sorry to bug ya but Trudeau's killin' us up here, ya know?"
Intelligence experts confirmed that Canadians are facing unprecedented political and religious persecution. They also confirmed early intelligence reports that indicated Trudeau is a "sad, scared little girly man who has to oppress working people to feel like a big boy."
Canadians at the border are hoping their requests for asylum will be granted so they may breathe the sweet, pure air of American freedom.
UPDATE: U.S. officials informed the Canadian refugees that the border was closed and that they would have to sail down to the southern border and cross there like everyone else.
Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.