MOBILE, AL — Local underperforming Christian Jason Bingham continued his lukewarm ways today, settling for attending the Third Baptist Church of Mobile.
Bingham's faith, marked by chronic apathy and lackluster results, felt Third Baptist was as high of Baptist as he could handle.
"First Baptist was never in the cards," said Bingham. "That's above the pay grade for slacker Christians like me. I thought about Second Baptist, but I had to be honest with myself: I'm an incredibly mediocre believer. Third Baptist is much more my lane."
Though purportedly open to all, Second Baptist admitted to being thankful that Bingham went elsewhere. "Jason is a pretty subpar Christian, to be frank," said longtime member Carol Whitaker. "That's why places like Third Baptist exist. A lot of people just can't hack it, spiritually speaking, at First or Second Baptist. Jason belongs a little further down the list."
At publishing time, Bingham had changed churches after learning there was a Fourth Baptist Church.
