XINJIANG, CHINA — Thanks to the recent uptick in awareness of worldwide injustices and inequalities, Uighur slaves are struggling to keep up with the demand for more Palestinian headscarves.

The traditional keffiyeh is the square cotton scarf that is being worn on liberal college campuses around the United States in solidarity with the Free Palestine resistance movement. Unfortunately, those headscarves aren't affordable to poor college students unless the manufacturing is outsourced to Uighur slaves in China.

"We are really glad that college kids are paying attention to unfair and oppressive conditions around the world," said one Uighur, Aygul Ablet, through her prison bars to a translator. "It's certainly increased our workload, but it's all for a good cause I guess."

"When boss man says make 2,000 scarves by Friday afternoon to hit quota or else we will get hit, it really motivates us all," chimed in Dilshat Muhemmet. "We all need something that keeps us going. For some, it's 'Free Palestine.' But for us, it's a big scary man with a baton."

At publishing time, the prison camp of Uighur slaves received an order to make 20,000 Che Guevara t-shirts also by Friday.

Want proof that Jesus was a woke socialist? Look no further than these classic quotes straight from the Bible.