MT SINAI — After being freed from slavery by the God of Abraham, witnessing 10 terrible plagues against Pharaoh, and walking across the Red Sea on dry ground to escape from Egypt's army, Kemuel son of Bahram, of the tribe of Benjamin, is demanding to be brought back to die in Egypt after stubbing his big toe on a sharp rock.
"CURSE the day I was born!" said Kemuel while rolling around on the ground and clutching his foot. "Moses has deceived us, and has brought us into this accursed land just for us to stub our toes! It would have been better if I had died in Egypt as a slave! I would have been even better if my mother had never borne me!"
"OW, MY TOE!"
Sources say dozens of similar complaints have arisen from the people including splinters in fingers, skinned knees, and rumbly tummies due to missing 9th-hour snack time. Critics of Moses say that while they were forced to work in mud pits 20 hours per day making bricks for Pharoah, at least there weren't any sharp rocks on which to stub one's toes. "Yeah, this was a mistake, let's go back," said one Israelite while applying ointment to a sunburn.
At publishing time, several people had planned to confront Moses but learned he had left them to climb nearby Mount Sinai, presumably to get away from them.
It's a serious medical emergency: you're minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.