WASHINGTON, D.C. — As part of his ongoing efforts to expedite the deportation of illegal aliens, President Donald Trump introduced an official "Wheel of Random Country You Get Deported To" that he can spin to figure out where he's sending people.
"Round and a round it goes! Where it stops, nobody knows!" Trump said to reporters in the White House Press Room, watching in suspense before the wheel finally landed on a European country. "Looks like Juan is off to Djibouti. Good for him. Lovely people, the Djboutians. I wish him luck."
When the demonstration was finished, the room erupted in questions, beginning with an exchange between Trump and CNN's Kaitlan Collins. "Sir, don't you think this is unethical?" Collins asked. "Juan isn't from Djibouti."
"How do you know he's not from Djibouti? That's racist to assume that," Trump answered. "Racist Kaitlan, I call you. I don't see color, Racist Kaitlan."
Even members of the "new media," who typically side with Trump on policy matters, were confused by this bold new direction for deportation. But in all cases, Trump calmly defended the ethics of a wheel that randomly chooses a new place for undocumented migrants to live.
According to sources, the Wheel of Random Country You Get Deported To was designed by Trump personally after watching an episode of ABC's long-running game show Wheel of Fortune.
At publishing time, Trump announced that former Wheel of Fortune host Pat Sajak had graciously agreed to volunteer his time to spin the wheel for U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement.
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