ARLINGTON, VA — Firefighters were called to the scene after several eyewitnesses claimed to have seen President Trump setting fire to a local Tesla dealership this morning.
The event seems to coincide with a bitter public falling out between Trump and Musk over a spending bill currently moving through Congress.
"I thought we were friends, Elon! What happened to us?" President Trump reportedly cried as he lobbed a Molotov cocktail into the windshield of a 2025 Tesla Model 3. "I never liked Teslas. I always thought they were 3rd-rate cars anyway. And everything in them is computer, and I hate computers. Many people don't know that, but I actually hate them. They're terrible, frankly."
By the time authorities arrived on the scene, the entire facility had been consumed by the flames. Security cameras caught glimpses of an orange-haired suspect fleeing the scene.
Elon was quick to condemn the attack on X, calling for a full investigation and accusing Trump of being a "gay poopy-head retard." Trump replied on his Truth Social account, calling Musk a "3rd-rate rocket scientist who is worse at making rockets than Bezos."
At publishing time, Republicans in Congress had earmarked $327 billion for rebuilding the Tesla dealership.
Senator Mitch McConnell isn't doing too many interviews these days, but The Babylon Bee's Travis got the opportunity to sit down with the man, the myth, and the legend himself.
