WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump has vowed to negotiate a quick end to the violence between India and Pakistan, just as soon as he taken off the "brief hold" he was placed on.
President Trump placed a call to Prime Minister Narenda Modi as soon as he learned of India's airstrikes, but according to sources Trump is now entering hour number two of waiting on hold to speak with the next representative.
"They assure me my call is very important to them," said Trump, still waiting. "That guy who placed me on hold, was it Kevin? It didn't sound like a 'Kevin', to be honest. I told him it concerned nuclear war, and then he said he would need to talk to his manager and asked if I could hold. I like this music, I really do, very good beat. But it's really a long hold, and I don't think Kevin is going to be getting a good survey at the end of this phone call, I'll tell you that."
With tensions flaring between two nuclear powers, world leaders quickly began working to figure out where the countries are and how to bring the conflict to a close. "We're pretty sure about India, but which of these countries is Pakistan is anyone's guess," said Secretary of State Marco Rubio. "I'm pretty ticked at India right now. I actually spoke to someone in India a few days ago, trying to stop the airstrikes. They said they would call it off in exchange for $750 in Amazon gift cards, which of course I sent right away. What a rip off."
At publishing time, Trump had to call back after the call was disconnected.
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