PALM BEACH, FL — The House Ways and Means Committee today released Trump's tax documentation to the public, prompting the former president to thank the Democrats for releasing the best, most beautiful tax returns ever.
"These have been the best tax returns in the history of tax returns, maybe ever," Trump told his supporters. The former president put up a flurry of posts on Truth Social in which he heralded the move from the Democrats as a great victory for connoisseurs of the aesthetics of tax returns.
"Nobody takes more withholdings than me! Everyone says so. Big, beautiful withholdings - no one else is smart enough. Lots of losers can't figure out how to pay less taxes, but I'm really good at it. Maybe the best."
Democratic lawmakers have pointed to the low taxes paid by the former President as an indictment of his business acumen, but he has already issued rebuttals to their claims. "Paying minimal taxes makes me smart. The Lying Media says this is a smoking gun, but they didn't count on everyone seeing the most genius use of the tax code yet – seeing my accountants at work is like watching Shakespeare draft the Magna Carta!"
At publishing time, Trump had taken the liberty of releasing his tax returns as far back as 1991 so more people could learn "The art of the deal" and gain business success, instead of remaining haters and losers.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
