NEW YORK, NY — Political analysts and media pundits alike were stunned by recent poll results showing former President Donald Trump taking a commanding lead over Joe Biden across several swing states. Experts predict Trump's lead will hold steady until approximately 3 A.M. on election night.
"Though Trump has taken a significant lead, this is not an unexpected scenario," said pollster and political consultant Frank Luntz. "We anticipate President Trump maintaining this lead until several hours after polls close in all states, likely sometime around 3 A.M., if history is any indication."
After being elected with an unprecedented 81 million votes in 2020, Biden has struggled to hold off a resurgent Trump. "It's surprising to see Biden having such a hard time," said CNN political anchor Wolf Blitzer. "With the economy in the toilet, prices skyrocketing, unrest across the country, and the world spiraling into chaos and war, we would have expected him to be polling far more strongly."
Despite trailing in multiple swing states, the Biden campaign expressed confidence that the president will win re-election. "We're not worried at all," said Biden-Harris 2024 Campaign Manager Julie Chávez Rodríguez. "We've dealt with this before. We were getting slaughtered by Trump on election night in 2020, and we all know how that turned out. If you get what I mean."
At publishing time, though the Biden campaign was already putting the finishing touches on its victory party for November of next year, officials refused to comment on the "BALLOT BOX STUFFERS WANTED — MUST WORK LATE NIGHTS" sign posted at the front door of campaign headquarters.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
