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Trump Suggests California Deploy Water-Type Pokemon

CALIFORNIA—Standing beside Governor Jerry Brown, Trump suggested his own solution for the wildfires plaguing California: the deployment of water-type Pokémon.

“You know what they do in the Kanto region?” Trump explained, referring to the region from the first Pokémon games. “Whenever there is a fire, they just send out the water-type Pokémon to handle it, and they don’t have any problem — or if they do, it’s really small. They just go —” Trump imitated throwing a Poké Ball. “— ‘Squirtle, I choose you!’ And it’s problem solved. I mean, a Squirtle probably won’t be enough to handle the size of the fires out here, but a Blastoise should do it.”

Trump could tell the reporters looked confused, so he held up a Pokémon type chart, though an outdated one that didn’t include Steel, Dark, or Fairy. “See?” Trump continued. “Fire-type is weak to water-type. And I think fire itself counts as a pure fire-type. Any powerful enough water-type should handle it easy.”

Many have disputed whether Trump’s solution will work. While deploying water-type Pokémon has worked for the Kanto region, people say the Kanto region is quite different from California, primarily in that it exists in a fictional universe where Pokémon exist.

Trump waved off these concerns. “I got you the start of the solution, and I’ll leave it to other people to figure out all the details.” He emphasized this point by slapping Governor Brown on the back. “One suggestion, though: Make sure you use the Pokémon from the cartoon and not that Detective Pikachu movie. Those ones creep me out.”

At publishing time, a frantic President Trump had phoned California authorities warning them to watch out for electric and grass types who might derail the water-type Pokemon plan.

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