WASHINGTON, D.C.—According to sources at the White House, President Trump spent a relaxing afternoon shouting from the Truman Balcony as Twitter went down for a short period Thursday.
"THE ECONOMY IS DOING GREAT---THANK YOU, MR. PRESIDENT!" he shouted at no one in particular, according to sources. "The Fake News Media is dishonest and bias---sad! These once-great news channels now have failing ratings as they've gone against me. Not good!"
He appeared to berate a pigeon for over 30 seconds as well.
Sources also claim Trump ranted about Pelosi and the "dirty Dems" to a passing White House janitor for several minutes before he finally managed to escape. Trump didn't appear to notice that he'd left, however, and continued his lengthy diatribe against Canada, the Democrats, the Fake News Media, and Coke Zero, addressing a nearby shrubbery.
Finally, Twitter came back online, and Trump wandered back into the Oval Office where he continued his rant, "just with more spelling errors."