Church
Trump Shows Off Completed Awana Vest

WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Trump and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi are firing Bible photo ops back and forth, as you would expect politicians to be doing at a time like this.

But Trump won the contest of Bible knowledge by showing off his completed Awana Sparks vest today. He dusted off the old red vest and solemnly put it on at a rally this morning. The president proved he knows the Bible way better than other politicians by proudly displaying his old Sparks vest complete with awards for Bible memory.

"Skipper, Hiker, Climber: I got all the Bible memory patches," he said proudly. "I got the gems in those crowns way before all the other kids. Romans, Ephesians, Hezekiah: I know all the books. Many great books; everyone says so."

Trump also said he won all the relay games during the Awana Olympics every year, taking home the championship for his church. "It really was pretty unfair to the other kids," he said. "Eventually, they just asked me to sit out so the other kids could have a chance."

Pelosi tried to show him up with her Timothy Award but onlookers immediately noticed the name on the trophy said "Mike Pence."

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