U.S. — With infighting among conservative voters escalating, former President Donald Trump sought to unite the party and prove that he is indeed a true member of the Republican Party by compromising on abortion.
Long debated by opposing camps within the Republican base, Trump's status in the party was solidified when he made it clear that he was willing to do what all true Republicans do and compromise with liberals on the divisive topic of abortion.
"I'm the biggest, most beautiful Republican," Trump said in a statement to the media. "In case anyone still had any doubts, just look at how I'm able to brush aside any hint of deeply held principles on abortion and do whatever I think may result in Democrats voting for me, which they never will. But all great Republicans compromise on abortion, and so do I. I'm just as willing to hang unborn babies out to dry as any other Republican, maybe more so. Many are saying that."
GOP leaders who had been reluctant to back Trump took his latest move toward the political center as undeniable proof of his loyalty. "This is what we've been looking for," said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell. "All of that ‘Make America Great Again' and ‘America First' stuff made us feel concerned, but now that he's showing a willingness to cave on abortion, we know he's one of us."
At publishing time, the latest polls showed absolutely no shift by Democrats or independent voters toward Trump whatsoever.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
