ORLANDO, FL — Sources close to Republican presidential candidate Donald J. Trump report that the former president is preparing for his upcoming debate with Kamala Harris as realistically as possible: by going to wine bars and arguing with drunk people.
"Yes, it's true, I did come up with this great way to practice for Kamala," Trump explained to several staffers. "I thought to myself, 'Donald, where would Kamala Harris most like to be in the world, do you think?' I kid you not — and I thought, and let me tell you, folks, she'd love to be at a wine bar. I keep expecting her any day, honestly. Very good practice, arguing with drunks. I'm looking forward to the debate, believe me!"
Trump has stated that "it's over-preparing, honestly," as there's no chance that Kamala will have had anything less than seven shots of Jack Daniels before she steps on stage.
"I don't think she can hold it, honestly," Trump said. "Some people can't hold it. Very sad. Bad. Not good! I can hold mine."
At publishing time, Kamala had found out about Trump's debate prep strategy and decided to drink even more wine in an attempt to be even drunker than anyone that Trump might be able to come across.
Here's what RFK Jr. will do to get everyone back in shape!