GAZA — After news broke over the weekend that the bodies of several executed hostages were recently discovered in Gaza by Israeli Defense Forces, the Palestinian terrorist organization Hamas was reportedly excited to learn that killing Israelis somehow makes U.S. President Joe Biden condemn Israel.
Biden joined multiple heads of state in issuing stern statements warning Israel of potential consequences due to Hamas killing Israeli captives while still holding over 100 more hostages.
"Israel is clearly out of line," Biden said in a statement to reporters that also reminded everyone he was still the U.S. president. "The idea… that a sovereign nation would callously remind everyone that a terrorist organization has been holding civilian hostages for nearly a year. And now that Hamas has murdered several hostages, who would… who would… who… who would ever… why would… it's garbage. I don't think anyone… I don't… anyway."
Hamas was encouraged by Biden's statement. "This is unexpected but quite welcome," said Hamas spokesterrorist Anwar Khalif Mohammed. "We did not know that carrying out deadly attacks against Israel and executing civilian hostages would result in Biden condemning Israel. This support from the American president tells us we should do this more often. Thank you, Mr. Biden, and death to America."
At publishing time, the United States was reportedly considering joining Russia, Iran, and every Arab nation in petitioning the United Nations to take decisive action and levy sanctions against Israel for its irresponsible act and hold them accountable for the horrible actions perpetrated by Hamas.
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