LAS VEGAS — The infamous unsolved murder of rapper Tupac Shakur on the streets of Las Vegas, once thought to be a hit by the Southside Crips, is now believed to be the work of none other than former President Donald J. Trump, who authorities believe acted alone. Trump has been indicted for the murder.
A charge of murder in the first degree was brought by Special Counsel Jack Smith. "Tupac was murdered on Flamingo Road, less than two miles from where Trump Hotel later opened in 2017," he said. "Coincidence? I think not!"
Authorities now believe Trump fired a Glock .40-caliber pistol from the backseat of a white Cadillac while also somehow driving it. The rapper was struck four times in the chest and rushed to a hospital where he later succumbed to his wounds.
This marks the 3rd time Trump has been indicted in the last few months, clearly marking him as a public menace who should not be on the streets.
"Trump is a monster," Special Counsel Smith said. "I'll feel much safer when he's off the streets. What if he comes after Post Malone, next? Not on my watch!"
At publishing time, Trump's poll numbers had grown another 12% in response to the news.
There's lots to be thankful for, libs!
