WASHINGTON, D.C. — Families hoping for financial relief for the holiday season received troubling news today, as President Donald Trump announced he was imposing 25% tariffs on all incoming Christmas presents from the North Pole.
Inside sources said the move came after an impasse in contentious negotiations between representatives of the Trump administration and the Santa Claus regime. With the sides unable to reach a trade agreement, Trump broke off talks and hit Santa's North Pole enterprises with heavy import tariffs.
"We've been taken advantage of for far too long," Trump told reporters in the Oval Office. "This Santa, he thinks he's a tough guy, but he's not going to be cheating the United States anymore. Starting immediately, there will be 25% tariffs on all toys and other presents being shipped into our country from the North Pole. We only want what is fair. If Santa wants to make a deal with us, he knows how to get ahold of us. I've been sending him letters from the White House every year I've been here."
When asked if families who have already been stretched thin under the current economic conditions would be hit harder due to the tariffs, Trump was resolute. "It has to be done," he said. "We've provided so much protection and military aid to the North Pole for years, and what do we have to show for it? When Santa needed F-22 Raptors to take out his polar bear invaders, who gave them to him? The United States. And at a very nice discount, I might add. Santa owes us big time, believe me."
At publishing time, Trump had sent Secretary of State Marco Rubio on an urgent trip to the North Pole in a last-ditch effort to come to an agreement.
Trump sings your favorite Christmas songs!
