PALM BEACH, FL - At a press conference held at the Mar-a-Lago Club today, former President Donald Trump finally acknowledged that he didn't win the 2020 election by a massive landslide, and that he only won it by a normal, narrow margin.
Trump said he was convinced by mounting evidence coming out of recounts and audits in various states and now agrees that he did not win the election by 10 million votes, but "probably more like 2 or 3 million" overall.
"After reviewing all the evidence, I'm willing to concede that I didn't win the 2020 election by a record landslide margin, and only won it by a smaller, normal margin," he said somberly to reporters. "I'm a fair guy. Maybe the fairest ever. And I know when I'm wrong. People say that to me all the time. They say, 'Hey, Don, you know what I like best about you? Your intelligence. But do you know what I like second best about you? Your humility and your willingness to admit when you're wrong.' Very smart people say that, all of 'em."
"So I come to you humbly now and ask your forgiveness for being slightly wrong about just how many votes I won by."
Trump then demanded Biden leave the White House now that he has conceded that he only won by a decent margin.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
