Politics
Trump Files Lawsuit Against Everyone Who Voted For Biden

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a bold move to stop the election from being certified for Joe Biden, President Donald Trump has filed a lawsuit against every single person who voted against him.

“It is well known that I’m trying to make America great again,” Trump told the press, “so why would anyone want to stop that? Obviously, something illegal and wrong is going on here, and it’s time for the courts to take a look at it.”

The lawsuit, filed against over 81 million people who voted for Joe Biden, has been backed by 106 House Republicans. It seeks damages for emotional harm against Trump for people maliciously voting against him despite his being probably “the best president ever.”

“Really, voting against someone like me trying so hard to fix our country is basically treason,” Trump said, “and -- I probably shouldn’t say this -- the punishment for treason is death. Am I saying we should execute the 81 million people who voted against me? Absolutely not, because those aren’t real people; they’re made-up, illegal votes.”

Allegedly, Trump also considered filing a lawsuit against the nearly two million libertarians who voted for Jo Jorgensen but then decided “nobody cares about them.”

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