TULSA, OK—Liberals are trying to ruin America by destroying all our favorite corporate mascots, logos, and team names. But President Trump says he won't have it. He defied the woke progressive crowd this week by chugging an entire bottle of Aunt Jemima syrup at his Tulsa rally.
The crowd cheered as Trump put the bottle to his lips and chugged. "Chug! Chug! Chug!" they chanted, screaming with delight as he pounded the whole thing down. Cries of "That's my president!" and "One more bottle! One more bottle!" erupted from the frenzied audience as stray strands of syrup dripped down the president's chin.
"Nobody cancels Aunt Jemima on my watch," he had said before solemnly holding up the bottle of syrup and then guzzling down the entire thing in one gulp. "Ah. That's good stuff. You know, I always liked Aunt Jemima syrup. Way better than Mrs. Butterworth's. People say I'm racist, but I'm not -- I don't see color. I just taste how good the syrup is and follow my tastebuds."
"As long as I have total power here in America, Aunt Jemima will be under my protection."