PALM BEACH, FL — Donald Trump says he is once again the victim of "MASSIVE AND WIDESPREAD FRAUD & DECEPTION" after losing 12 games in a row of Mario Kart. The former President is now calling for the termination of all rules, regulations, and articles for Mario Kart, effective immediately.
"This is not what our great Founder of Mario Kart, Shigeru Miyamoto, would have wanted!" shouted Trump as he came in last place again after being hit by a blue shell. "So what do we do? Do we throw these results OUT and name me Star Cup Grand Prix 150cc RIGHTFUL WINNER? Or do we have a NEW RACE?!"
"There can be no other explanation for this magnitude and type of tremendous fraud against me, your favorite President. They give me sad, worthless items like bananas every time and NEVER a single golden mushroom or lightning," Trump added. "I demand that Big Tech companies and the Democratic Party be held accountable for this outrageous, treasonous level of collusion."
Nintendo has responded stating that they have not made any changes to Mario Kart in decades and that they have no plans of doing so now. They advised Mr. Trump to "consider trying the 50cc or 100cc races to practice more before engaging in more challenging competitions".
At publishing time, Trump announced that he threw his copy of Mario Kart 64 in the trash and that he was making his own Trump Kart 65 that will be "better, frankly, in every way possible"
Watch as a fired Twitter employee applies for her first *actual* job: