WASHINGTON, D.C.—"I'm no hero," says Amazon driver Daniel Acevedo as he rings a doorbell and leaves a package of supplies on the doorstep of his 200th stop of the day. "I'm just doing my job."
While most of the nation is under lockdown and quarantine, Acevedo and millions of other brave, heroic truck and delivery drivers are going about their business on the frontlines of the fight against this pandemic, ensuring that Americans everywhere get the supplies they need to continue as normal a life as possible. Sometimes, they also just really want a board game or Xbox controller delivered to their house in two days. No matter what the people are ordering, Acevedo and other heroes are getting the job done.
That's why President Trump has announced that after this pandemic passes by, all delivery and truck drivers in the country will receive the Presidential Medal of Freedom.
"American heroes," Trump said at his daily Chinese virus press conference. "We've taken these people for granted for too long. Just look at Amazon: free, same-day shipping. It's tremendous. Really tremendous. If I get the itch to order Sucker Punch on Blu-Ray, guess what? It's here in two days. Simply phenomenal. These guys are the real MVPs."
"Thank you for your service."
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.