WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump has graciously agreed to France's request to return the Statue of Liberty, asking only in return for all of the land in France that America liberated in World War II.
"It's a fantastic deal," said Trump. "You can have your little statue back, and we'll just take whatever parts of France that we had to save for you. France can keep every square inch of land that you French didn't surrender to the Nazis. It's very generous, really a tremendous deal."
French politicians have responded to Trump's offer with outrage, saying that the terms would leave them without any land whatsoever. "That is so not fair," said French President Emmanuel Macron. "We tried really hard to not need America to rescue us. We fought for, like, a few weeks before totally surrendering. Give us a break."
Trump has adamantly stated he will not change the terms of the offer. "We could really make France into something nice," said Trump. "I never liked that statue much anyway, Lady Liberty, lots of people did, but not me. She wasn't my type. Very manly looking, with the robe and the crown, it's a very pointy crown, and her jaws - whoa! Have you ever seen a jaw that square on a woman?"
At publishing time, Trump had promised to turn the hellhole known as France into the "Riviera of Europe."
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