WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the wake of mass confusion arising from President Donald Trump lashing out at longtime ally South Korea, Trump admitted that both Koreas look exactly the same to him.
The international community reacted with alarm after Trump heaped praise on the vicious communist dictatorship of North Korea, but Trump explained that he honestly did not know who he was talking about, as he just can't tell Koreas apart.
"I had no idea that was the bad Korea, they look so similar," said Trump to a pool of reporters. "Good Korea, bad Korea, Honda, Hyundai, it's very difficult to tell who is who. Frankly, I don't think anyone can tell them apart, they're so identical-looking. Remember when I told that one Korean, I don't remember which one, that I had a bigger button to press to launch nukes? We really took him down a notch, and he was already pretty short to begin with. Rocket Man, that's what we called him. He's an excellent golfer, I hear. We should play, next time I'm in South Korea. Or North Korea. Whichever one it is."
Aides attempted to show Trump differing pictures of the two Koreas and their leaders, but to no avail. "They're the same picture," said Trump, looking at photos of North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un and South Korean President Lee Jae-Myung. "I don't even know what you're trying to do here. Wait, are you saying one of them is male, and the other one is female? That's ridiculous. These are the same guy. There are no women in these pictures, and no one knows women better than Trump."
At publishing time, President Trump had ordered Secretary of War Pete Hegseth to nuke both Koreas after experiencing a ride in a Kia Soul.
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