WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Trump administration announced on Thursday that it would be proposing the legalization of marijuana for anyone with medical needs or anyone who has to fly on a Spirit Airlines flight.
"Some things are just difficult to endure without the aid of drugs," Health Administrator Kevin Duarte told reporters. "For those faced with the prospect of boarding a Spirit Airlines flight, they may feel like their options are limited. We feel that these individuals could benefit greatly from the effects of medical marijuana, at least for the duration of their flight."
Officials say multiple studies show the positive impact of cannabis on those who are faced with Spirit Airlines flights. One recent report pointed to the benefits of smoking a joint a few minutes before arriving at the airport, while others show a massive drop in anxiety for those who downed a few edibles and then boarded a flight on the budget airline.
"Mmmmm, hmmmm," medical marijuana user and Spirit Airlines passenger Dan McDonald said. "Yuuuup. Uh huh. For sure. I… I… yep. Do those wings look like big popsicle sticks to you? Yeah, me too. Yum."
The Trump administration recommended moving cannabis off the restricted schedule and asked doctors to consider writing prescriptions for anyone facing the challenge of a Spirit flight.
At publishing time, the Trump administration also recommended issuing medical marijuana cards to anyone facing the prospect of having to listen to NPR for longer than 30 seconds.
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