WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following a frustrating string of judicial roadblocks that have hindered his agenda, President Donald Trump announced a move to overrule the United States Supreme Court by establishing the new Ultra Supreme Mega Court.
After a flurry of rulings created strong opposition to his executive actions on immigration, federal funding cuts, and other issues, sources said the president saw the establishment of his own court as a way to circumvent activist judges and override the Supreme Court.
"A big, beautiful court filled with turbo justices," Trump told reporters. "These rulings won't stand a chance. I will appoint these judges myself, and they will be far more powerful than the Supreme Court. Any case that goes against me will automatically be forwarded to the Ultra Supreme Mega Court for review. I expect to be undefeated, I really do."
When questioned if he had the authority to establish a higher court, Trump expressed confidence that he was within his power to do so. "I'm the President," he said. "That's like being a king or a supreme galactic emperor, only with more power."
Early reports indicated that Ultra Supreme Mega Court Turbo Justices would be dressed in bright red power robes to go along with matching "MAGA" baseball caps.
At publishing time, rumors swirled that President Trump had ordered his staff to begin drafting a new Super Constitution that would supersede the U.S. Constitution to prevent any potential legal conflicts regarding his authority.
Mission accomplished: Satan has just confirmed that Jesus of Nazareth was crucified and will never be coming back.
