Tim Walz Reveals First 10 Things He Would Do In Office
Sponsored · Aug 6, 2024 · BabylonBee.com

Brought to you by:

Tim Walz may have just been named Kamala's VP pick. Apart from being governor of Minnesota, the man is a real mystery. Who is he? Why is he? And what will he do in office?

Well, we at the Babylon Bee have acquired a top-secret bucket list of the first ten things Tim Walz wants to do in office. Take a look — if you dare!

  1. Purchase cackle-canceling headphones: Total life-savers during meetings with Kamala.

  2. Authorize Minnesota to annex Michigan, Wisconsin, and Ohio: May the state with the best potlucks win.

  3. Mandate tampons in every men's restroom in the nation: For, you know, equity and all that.

  4. Change the US flag to look more like the Somalian flag: It'll be just like home sweet home in Minneapolis.

  5. Burn down the White House for racial justice: George Floyd will be so proud.

  6. Fire all cops: Utopia at last!

  7. Invoke the 25th amendment against Kamala Harris: That's an obvious one.

  8. Hide his wife from the First Gentleman: You never know where that creep might be lurking.

  9. Authorize the installation of loudspeakers to broadcast the Muslim call to prayer in DC: If Sharia law worked so well in Minneapolis, maybe the rest of the country needs it, too.

  10. Seize the means of production, but in a folksy, down-to-earth way: How very Midwestern of him. Workers of the world, let's get together sometime!

Well, there you go — isn't there so much to look forward to? Boy, are we glad this guy is a real man with a plan!


NOT SATIRE: Experts suggest a minimum of three days of food to fall back on in emergencies. But many "short-term" emergencies last much longer than three days. Whether you're hit with storms, food shortages, or civil unrest, there's no telling how long an emergency will really last. You don't want to be left facing day four, day ten, or even day thirty without a warm meal you can rely on.

Don't wait until a "short" emergency to find your food supply lacking. Prepare for the long term and outlast disaster with a 3-Month Emergency Food Supply from My Patriot Supply. That's 90 DAYS of food and peace of mind, all in one convenient kit. Packed with more than 2,000 daily calories and 22 delicious food and drink varieties, this kit is designed to help you power through.

Whether the power shuts off for two weeks or your grocery store sits empty for two months, you'll be ready.

SAVE $200 on your own 3-Month Emergency Food Supply and start preparing today.

Click here to stock up for your survival.


Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.

Watch Santa's retirement announcement

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now