MANKATO, MN — The race for the White House intensified today with the announcement of Minnesota Governor Tim Walz as Kamala Harris's running mate, including Walz coming out swinging against his opponent for the second-highest office in the country, Ohio senator and Trump running mate J.D. Vance.

Walz took aim at Vance with a searing insult, referring to the Ohio senator as "weird" and not at all as normal like Walz, who recently signed a bill into state law that put tampons in boys' school bathrooms.

"J.D. Vance is such a weirdo!" Walz said after telling one of his aides to make sure all boys' restrooms remained fully stocked with feminine products. "Look at him with his lovely wife and beautiful children! Such a backward way to live life, am I right? Leave it to Donald Trump to choose a total whackjob like J.D. Vance. I hear he even goes to a church that doesn't stock little boy tampons! Can you believe that? Weirdo!"

Vance, who was a U.S. Marine, best-selling author, and venture capitalist before entering politics, now faces an uphill battle against being labeled "weird" by a man who insisted on making tampons available in boys' school bathrooms, adopted radical transgender treatment laws for children, and governs a state that allows babies who survive abortions to be killed outside the womb. "Vance is just so far out of the mainstream," Walz said. "Once people learn about his totally weird, extremist values, he'll be in trouble. He's so totally weird!"

At publishing time, Walz was preparing to host a furry drag queen story hour for children at the governor's mansion.

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