SACRAMENTO, CA - Two weeks after receiving a vaccine booster then abruptly disappearing from public view, California Governor Gavin Newsom emerged from his home. Looking as shiny and healthy as ever, the governor reassured Californians that the COVID-19 booster shot was safe and effective.
"The booster shot had absolutely no side effects," said Newsom from the second head poking out of his neck. "I actually feel TWICE as good as I did before the booster!"
An intrepid journalist from the L.A. Times bravely addressed what was on everyone's mind and asked Newsom if he enjoyed Halloween with his kids. The governor hastily replied that Halloween was enjoyable and that he did not succumb to growing urges to consume his children, but that they have been sent to boarding school for a long, long time.
Another journalist began to ask an irrelevant question about why the governor had a second head growing out of his custom-tailored dress shirt, but was quickly reproached by Mrs. Newsom and lectured on the incivility of treating her husband like a public figure.
Governor Newsom's second head then declared a state of emergency, citing a severe shortage of hair gel.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
