The Babylon Bee's Predictions For 2021
Life

It's official: 2020 was the worst year ever, except for almost all the other years in human history! Will 2021 be a better year? Take a look at the Babylon Bee's official list of infallible predictions for next year and decide for yourself! 

January 1 - New Year resolutions begin

January 5 - New Year resolutions downgraded 

January 20 - Biden sworn in

January 21 - Biden dies of natural causes

January 22 - Trump announces 2024 presidential run

January 23 - 2024 Campaign kicks off

January 25 - Obama releases new memoir

January 27 - Feminists finally begin to reverse Handmaid's Tale

February 1 - All remaining Trump supporters hunted down and executed 

February 2 - Electoral college, First Amendment, Second Amendment, churches, and capitalism eliminated

February 3 - Democrats announce return to unity 

February 26 - China officially annexes United States

March 1 - Pronouns must be tattooed on forehead or hand

March 3 - Space Force training exercise accidentally blows up the moon

March 6 - Elon Musk fixes moon

March 10 - Obama releases new memoir

March 21 - COVID 20 arrives 

March 25 - FDA approves first permanent mask facial implant 

April 1 - Cuomo hunts down remaining elderly in New York 

April 19 - Steven Furtick announces he is the Messiah

May 5 - Elon Musk accepts Christ

May 6 - Joel Osteen accepts Christ

May 10 - Obama releases new memoir

June 6 - AOC tweets something dumb 

July 3 - Kamala Harris forces gulag prisoners to make bricks without straw

August 15 - Netflix releases Cuties 2 

September 5 - CHAZ 2 founded

September 6 - CHAZ 2 dismantled

October 1 - Beth Moore becomes Head Pastor of Christianity

October 8 - Obama releases new memoir

October 11 - ISIS takes over all of Canada 

November 17 - Development complete on Cyberpunk 2077

December 10th - We finally find out what the squirrels have been up to

December 25 - Kamala Harris outlaws Christmas and becomes Empress of The World

December 27 - Obama releases new memoir

December 30 - Sydney Powell announces Kraken will finally be released next week

December 31 - Jesus returns

Yikes-- looks like 2021 will be another doozy! Happy New Year!

There are 248 comments on this article.

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.