SWEETWATER, TX — As the rest of the world sits on edge due to the leader of the terrorist organization Hamas calling for a global day of jihad, residents of the state of Texas seemed entirely unconcerned.
"Global day of what now?" asked native Texan Barry Windham as he wiped his freshly oiled AR-15 with a rag. "Not sure I'm familiar with that term. Out here, we don't really listen to all the stuff going on everywhere else. We'll let everyone else get all wrapped up in that. Anyway…you ever see what happens to a cantaloupe when you hit it dead-on from about 10 yards away?"
Citizens throughout Texas towns were seen calmly going about their normal business, enjoying the early fall sun, and showing absolutely no worry about the threat of radical Islamic terrorists striking at any moment. "Oh, I think they know better than that," said Stan Hansen with a smile as he loaded his 12-gauge shotgun with buckshot shells. "There's a reason you see that type of thing happen in places where folks aren't allowed to own massive arsenals that take up several rooms of their homes. Those terrorists may want to die, but they apparently don't want to die badly enough to come to Texas. We'll make it happen for ‘em!"
At publishing time, no Texan had been found who was willing to provide an argument for being worried about any danger, with everyone instead opting to continue spending their time going from browsing at gun stores to visiting barbecue restaurants for lunch before going to shop at other gun stores.
Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.