AUSTIN, TX — In a last-ditch effort to stop Californians from moving in and ruining their state, Texans have resorted to putting up billboards in California telling everyone how terrible Texas is and how they probably should just stay in California.
"I hope by golly this tactic works," said Texas Governor Greg Abbott, "We've been passing laws left and right that would make sissy Californians wet their britches, but they keep coming in and voting like they never left the Car-Theft State."
"There are now dozens of billboards peppering California, educating citizens to the horrific dangers of this great state of Texas," said Bill Smroog, Chairman of the Texas Anti-Tourism Board.
Slogans currently being tested include:
- Texas is lame! Totally boring! Better stay away!
- Seriously, better turn around! Last chance!
- "Our fire ants now have AR-15's!"
- "Oh no, a church on every street corner!"
- "Smoke pot? Over our dead body!"
- "Our cattle are also racist."
At publishing time, Californians had continued moving to Texas based on the logic that being shot by AR-15-wielding fire ants was better than being robbed by street-pooping hobos.
BIG NEWS: We made a movie, and you can watch the trailer NOW: