Excitement is at an all-time high as The Daily Wire gets ready to unleash its kids' streaming programming platform Bentkey on unsuspecting Americans. Finally, young conservative patriots will have a place to go for enriching, intellectually stimulating entertainment.
The Babylon Bee has obtained the following list of exciting new shows coming soon to The Daily Wire's Bentkey:
- The Magic Homeschool Bus: An exciting daily episodic adventure through the strange world of homeschooling.
- Candace the Explorer: Forget Dora — this animated series will follow Candace Owens as she goes on fun adventures with Kanye West.
- Jeremy's Bluey: It's just like Bluey, but now with more patriotic American accents.
- Helix Sleep Mattress Adventure Force: Brought to you by the best night's sleep you'll ever have!
- Scooby-Jew: A fun animated show where Ben Shapiro & the gang solve mysteries using FACTS and LOGIC. Ruh-roh!
- Andrew Klavan's Reading Rainbow: Andrew Klavan reads his violent crime novels to kids. But don't take our word for it — bah-dah-DAH!
- Discussions on the Second Vatican Council over Cigars with Michael Knowles: A surefire hit with the kids, delivered entirely in Latin.
- Mr. Walsh's Neighborhood: This is just Matt Walsh sitting on his porch yelling, "WHAT IS A WOMAN?!" at frightened passersby.
- Hatchet Constable: A completely new, all-original show about a police officer who finds the perfect hatchet and then goes out to fight crime.
- Jordan Peterson Presents Kierkegaard And The Justification For Human Suffering Hour: Buckle up for adventure, Bucko!
All that, plus much more to come!
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
