WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Supreme Court issued a ruling this morning that it is legal for President Donald Trump to be the president.
In a 6-3 decision, the court held that since Trump was, in fact, elected to be president, his ability to "do president things" was protected under the law.
"The court hereby rules that a president can be president," wrote Justice Amy Coney Barrett, who penned the decision for the majority. "By virtue of being president, that person is the president. I can't freaking believe I'm having to explain this."
Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson wrote a scathing dissent for the minority, arguing that she really didn't like that presidents could do stuff and also that it was very unfair how pretty Justice Barrett is for her age. "I'm really getting sick of looking at her still-youthful face," wrote Jackson. "Also, I hate laws. Laws are stupid. Case closed."
At publishing time, Justice Jackson had challenged Justice Barrett to a pay-per-view cage match.
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